Lately, I have been really pondering what is truly important in my life.  I know what is at the top of my list, the same thing that always has been there.  My family.  My husband and kids will always come first. 

As you know, I work full time outside of the home.  It was rough at first, but I have the luxury of working Monday through Friday and I am done with work in the early afternoon.  There are some really great things about where I work and there are really bad factors to my work. 

Since school has let out and we have moved, I have been waking my kids up at 5:15am everyday to take them to my Mother-in-law’s house.  That is very early for the kids, especially when they are on summer break from school.  This time of year is supposed to be fun and they are supposed to burn off all their energy outside.  That is not happening.  They are tired and crabby.

I am tired and crabby. 

I feel really bad about making them get up early.  That and babysitter issues has brought me to a place where I am seriously considering finding a new job.  One that allows my kids to wake up later.  One that allows me to spend a little more time with the kids. 

Obviously, we still need the money that I am currently making and switching jobs could mean making less money.  It could also mean different hours, working later in the day but not evenings or weekends. 

I have thought about watching kids in my home for parents looking for someone who isn’t a daycare.  I also thought about the fact that if I needed to take my kids to the doctor for an illness, that would be impossible if I were watching more than one child in my home.  There were too many negatives about this option. 

But, I am still open to the idea of watching a baby or kids.  My friend found a great nanny position on Care.com and told me to check it out.  You can enter in your zip code and find families looking for a nanny/babysitter. 

I was a little disappointed to see a lot of families who live so close but the hours wouldn’t work for us….at the end of the month, we start football in the evenings and then dance starts in September.  Plus, Lincoln will be starting preschool in September and that starts at 12:30pm. 

I logged on today and found the perfect opportunity.  The days and hours are absolutely perfect!  The kids could sleep in and even leave from here to get on the bus instead of going to my MIL’s house in the mornings! 

I am not sure what to do but I did respond to that ad to say that I was interested.  I am not going to get my hopes up but at the same time it really opened my eyes up to the possibility that I could really be changing jobs. 

I have so many reasons to stay where I am working.  Hello, I just earned my week paid vacation yesterday! I love the people I work with and it is something that I love to do. At the same time, I love my kids more and I have to do what is right for them and myself. 

My family will come first and making adjustments so that we are all happy, while they can be tough, are my priority.

I was very active in the PTO, Vice President to be exact, I was at the school constantly to volunteer for everything and anything, I was the team mom for Chuckie’s football team, I was running around with the kids doing so many activities and fun things.  I was keeping the house in great shape, doing all the normal household chores and still having time for all the other stuff I wanted to do. 

Since starting working full time, I have really slacked off on most of those things.  I have only been to the school twice this school year to help out, I haven’t gone to any of the school events ( I was literally at every single one in previous years!) I can no longer keep on top of all the housework. 

I can no longer devote hours to the kids with undivided attention.  I am starting to feel like an inadequate mom.  That feeling? It sucks so bad.

Today, I helped the kids to start decorating their valentine boxes for their school parties next week.  These are the kinds of things that I would do in a heartbeat before starting work.  I had the extra time to do it at the drop of a dime.  Now?  I’ve had to tell them a few times, not yet, I can’t do it now, wait until the weekend, etc.

I went to the doctor last week for my annual exam and I talked to him about things going on with me.  I have been prescribed that little pill that I used to take again.  It’s time for me to start back on the depression medication.  It’s a low dosage and it will also help me with my anxiety.  I have been on and off of this medication a few times but I do agree that I need it.  This time of year is always tough and stressful for me, but adding the bad feelings that I am not doing a good enough job of being a wife, mother and friend, and I know that I need it.

There are times when I am at home and doing something with the kids or doing major housework and I say out loud, “this is something I did when I wasn’t working and I miss it!”  I am starting to resent working full time.  That sounds awful, I know it does. 

How in the heck have those of you that have always worked full time with having kids, done it?!  How do you balance it all?  What the hell do I need to do to make it work better for me?!  Any advice out there?

Anyway, Chuckie is into his basketball season and he is doing okay.  Not as well as last year but it is still early on and he has a different coach.  One that isn’t as aggressive as last year. 

He had a basketball game today and he did well.  As time was running out on the clock, he got the ball…he dribbled….he positioned his feet.  He was at half court.  I thought to myself, oh gosh, he is going to try this shot and miss it….he shouldn’t shoot from that far back. What did I know?  He made the shot as the buzzer sounded!!  He was so thrilled and proud.  I was proud. 

I love football and watching him play that was just so fun.  Basketball is a little different but just as fun.  I look forward to the rest of the season and watching him as he develops his skills. 

I have been blessed with an athletic son.  It brings back so many memories of watching Chuck in high school when he played football and basketball.  Thank goodness those are the two sports that I really understand!!

Growing up in this area (Western PA) you get accustomed to having snow in the winter, along with the other three seasons. 

It is always a big deal for us when we have a white Christmas….we always want snow on that day!

Anyway, it started snowing the other day and I was loving it.  The temperature was way too cold to be playing in it though.  The high temps the past two days have been 20 degrees.  I did allow the kids to go out and play the other day for about a half hour.  It was just too cold. 

Today, after they got home from school, the kids begged me to allow them to go out and play.  Jada said that if they went outside, Lincoln has to be allowed to play as well.  I said no.  I really didn’t feel like going out and watching him.  Yes, I know that is awful but I was tired!

After he put his mittens on all by himself (he almost did it right, he had his index finger in with his thumbs..hehe!) and giving me his best puppy dog face, I gave in.  I bundled him up and sent him out with the older two kids.  I put on my boots and bundled myself up. 

I was standing there and ended up slipping and falling into the snow onto my back.  I heard Lincoln bust out laughing…..very hard. I joined in laughing.  I ended up running around in the snow with Lincoln while the other two built a snowman. 

We got the sled out and all three kids took turns riding down the little hill.  I was watching quietly.  I couldn’t handle it anymore, I had to have a ride too!  I hopped on, crossed my legs and pushed off down the hill….arms up in the air, yelling “wheeeee!”  Yes, folks, I am a big kid!  I only went down three times. 

There is nothing like running around in the snow and sled riding with your kids to make you feel young again!

Today’s best?  Making memories in that cold, beautiful white stuff!

I started shopping back in September, buying a few gifts each week.  I was buying mostly for the kids so that I would know that they were covered.  They are more than covered.  I have gone overboard!  I would not be exaggerating when I say that each kid probably has close to 20 gifts each to open.  That is both crazy and embarassing.  I enjoy giving my kids what they want when I can but I did buy more than usual.  I think that when you start early, you tend to buy more.  I have to say though, I did buy some great deals and did not spend a ton more than normal.  A lot of the things that I bought, I bought at half price.  I am a good bargain shopper so most things were bought from the clearance areas, or bought on Black Friday.

Today, I am planning on doing some holiday baking, something I really enjoy but haven’t done for the past two years.  I am trying to get back to where I was a few years ago.  I have missed doing all the domestic things I was doing.  Since I started working, I have been so tired and have really skipped out on a lot of the things I used to do.  I am still finding it hard to balance everything. 

Although, along with working full time, I am bringing in money and that money has allowed me to provide the kids with a great Christmas.  I tried to get them the things they wanted.  I am proud of earning that money and turning it into a special family event that we are all going to love.  I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they open their gifts and see them all on Christmas morning. 

In past years, I have gotten it all done but with major stress and physical illness due to the anxiety.  This year, I have not had any anxiety due to the holidays and haven’t been stressed out.  I am really having a great time anticipating the fun and excitement.  I still have a few gifts to buy, mostly gift cards but I will get them this week and I am not worried about it.  It will get done.

We are going to my sister-in-law’s house for Chuck’s family celebration on Christmas Eve.  We usually go next door to my in-law’s house but since my MIL  is still not feeling good, it would be too stressful on her and she can’t do that.  We have the kids gift exchange and everyone is set for that.  Then on Christmas morning, my family will be coming over for my side’s celebration.  My in-law’s always come over for that too and my brother-in-law and his family will be over too because we bought for their daughter since Chuck is her Godfather. 

We do a late morning breakfast with my family and exchange gifts.  It is nice to do that and be done with all the Christmas festivities by noon and enjoy Christmas day playing with all of our new toys!

I do buy the kids matching pajamas for Christmas, they get to open them on Christmas Eve when we get home from the family gathering.   Chuck says that the older two will not enjoy this much longer and I will have to stop buying the matching pj’s.  I will continue with this tradition but maybe he is right, maybe next year I will just buy Christmas themed pajamas, but not necessarily matching ones.  I also bought Chuck and I pajamas, not matching but something to wear on Christmas day.  He swears that he is not going to wear them but I will convince him to!

This holiday season is going to be special.  I am going to thoroughly enjoy spending this time with Chuck and the kids.  I still miss being home all the time, even after working full time for five months.  I am still having a hard time going to work knowing that Chuck is home this winter without me. It has been a big adjustment for all of us but without my job, I would be stressed and worried about getting it all done this year.   I am thankful that I have a job that I like and that has helped my family out. 

Happy holidays to you and yours, may the spirit of Christmas (or any other holiday that you celebrate) envelope you this year.  Enjoy this time with your families and relax.

After complaining that daycare was taking my paychecks away from me, I decided to look in the paper for any daycare or childcare providers that might be a little less expensive to help us out.  I didn’t find anything but I did see an ad for a daycare hiring a full time teacher/teacher aide.  I looked up the number and it is for a daycare that my sister in law works at. 

A daycare that allows you to bring your children for free.  For free. 

I don’t know if this ad was a coincidence or fate. 

If you remember, I did apply for  a daycare job before.  I wanted to work in the infant room.  That was where I wanted to be, where I could see myself loving every day with babies.  This position in the paper?  The infant room!

I talked to my sister in law about it and the more we talked the more I realized that this may be the answer to the whole daycare vs. working debacle. 

Chuck will be getting laid off after next week so I don’t need daycare after this week and then I started to think that maybe I should just stay where I am and work it out later when he goes back.  That’s where the problem lies.  In the spring we would be in the same position we are in now.  Needing babysitters and daycare to help out and money going out the door again.  This position also would not be available in the spring. 

I decided to call the center and set up an interview to see how I would feel about it.  To see if this is something that I would want to do.  The lady was really nice and I answered those weird questions as best I could.  What is your best quality?  What is your worst quality? What is one word you would use to describe yourself? Seriously, where do these questions come from?  Anyway, we sat and talked for awhile and she showed me around the place.  Not only was I paying attention to where I would be but also to where Lincoln would be since he would be going there as well.  Overall, the place is nice.  The staff is friendly and it is clean. 

I would be in the infant room mostly by myself unless there is a need for another person.  Today, for example, there were only 3 babies so there was only one person working in the room, the person I would be replacing. 

The other thing I liked about it is that I can choose my work week.  Right now the girl works five days a week.  Three days she is there 7am-5:30pm, one day 7am-4pm and one day 7am-11 or 12am/pm.  I would also have the option to work four ten hour days and have one day off.  I don’t know yet what I would want to do.  She did say that if there are days that I would need off or to leave early, she is pretty flexible because as a mom, she understands how it is.  That means that I would still be able to go on my kids’ field trips, class plays, etc. 

If I would ever need to take the older kids there, I could do that as well….for free!  In the summer when school is out..they can be there! After a year, there is paid vacations and paid holidays! 

More and more it seems like this is a move I can make and enjoy.  I don’t know how this is going to turn out but today, I feel positive that things will go well and I will make a decision that benefits my family.  I have to do what works for all of us and will make things easier for us.

I went to the gym today and I decided not to do a class. I have been going to classes for about two months now and not doing any workouts on my own like I used to all the time.  I think that maybe that is why I am not losing weight.  I needed to change things up and do something different.  I was on the Precor EFX which is my all time favorite piece of machinery.  It is such a great workout and you burn calories like crazy.  It is all leg work which is my problem area so I feel good on there.  I also lifted weights.  Something I was doing very regularly when my husband was working out with me.  He taught me which machines were good for me for what I wanted to do, the amount of weight to lift for the goals I was setting and how many reps and sets to do.  He was like my own personal trainer and a big reason why the weight started to really come off.  So, I decided to go back to that routine for today. 

I stepped on the scale and holy mackeral!  I finally lost some weight!  I am down 1.4lbs!! I may have stepped off the plateau that I was stuck on!!

Today is a very good day.  Now I just hope that Old Navy has the tank top I bought in a medium.  I bought a small and it is too tight.  Chuck told me to just keep it so it is a goal of mine to wear it and have it not be tight but I’d rather just exchange it because I want to wear it when I go to power yoga!  It is a tank that pulls the moisture away from you so it would be a big help in that class.  Plus, it says “Peace, Love and Yoga”  I love it!!

I have a few errands to run today and just as my luck is running today, Chuckie is going to his friend’s house so I am down to 2 kids and Jada might be staying with their Gramma so I might be down to 1 kid!! 

I don’t know if this day can get any better!

I have been reading the employment ads online for the local newspaper and on Craigslist.  I saw an ad for a food service company for a local huge company.  It said that it was Monday through Friday work, 35-40 hours a week, paid holidays off, no evenings or weekends, meal allowance and free uniforms. 

I called the number and scheduled an interview.  I went in yesterday for the interview and it went really well.  The job itself seems pretty simple.  It is a food service company.  They control the cafeteria, catering, etc. for the huge company.  She explained to me that there are 130 meeting rooms in the building and for the meetings, they request certain items to be catered and I would be one of the people who quietly go in and set up the stuff they want for their meeting.  The job title is a server…I was thinking like a waitress, which I have done and am still doing at the restaurant from time to time. 

I left the interview feeling so good, that this could be it, the job.  She said that with my bubbly attitude and constant smile, I would fit right in.  She said she was figuring that I would probably get a call back later in the afternoon or today.  Man, this really could be it! 

I got to my sister’s house because we were taking the kids to the pool and I decided to listen to my voicemails.  I had forgotten to turn my ringer back on after the interview.  The first one was from a man at the company asking if I got the message soon enough to turn around and come back for a drug test!  The second was the lady I met with asking if I could come in as soon as possible to get my drug test done so they can offer me the job and get me started!  I did call her back and tell her that I could not come back that day because I wasn’t about to tell the kids we weren’t going to the pool because I have to run to get a drug test. 

I went in this morning and the lady escorted me back saying that I will get the drug test done, they will get the results so they can call me to offer me the job.  I am both excited and a bit sad. 

I am excited because the job pays really well for this type of work.  I do work currently but it is peanuts compared to what I could make at this new job.  I could really be a big contributor to our family income.  That is really a great thing.  I feel like I don’t do much to help our family even though my husband doesn’t see it that way.  He says I am the glue of our family, the one who keeps it running smoothly, happy and healthy…and that is nice of him but it still doesn’t pay any bills!

This new job means that we could move sooner than if we stay in our current financial situation, this means me getting a newer car sooner ( I swear that something is wrong with mine and today heard a weird sound and it happens to be sitting lower in the back on the driver’s side..great!) This means being able to save money and actually still have spending money!

The sadness I am feeling is due to the fact that my days being spent with my kids are now numbered.  I would get done working at 3pm everyday so there are still hours of fun we can have but you know what I mean, right?!  This also means I won’t be able to be at a lot of the kids school activities or possibly be a part of the PTO like I am now.  I know that this is very important and necessary for our family, the income will be an immense help but it will be a big change for me and the kids.  I do worry about them and the effect it could have on them.  The good thing is that they will be with their Grandma everyday so they will basically be at home since they live next door to us! 

There will be challenges ahead I’m sure with the big changes but this is a very good thing.  I will find out on Monday if I got the job or not and they want me to start right away so I could be working at my new job early next week!

We haven’t done much so far this summer because we have been busy or the days just slip by. 

We have a day at Kennywood planned with some friends.  We are taking the two older kids so that they can have a fun day to ride the rides and be with some friends.  Jada has never been there.  Yes, she is nine and has never been to Kennywood.  I know to some, that may seem crazy..it is Kennywood and everyone in this area has been to Kennywood!!  Jada is a very anxious child so I don’t think that before this year she would have gone on any rides.  I would have been upset to pay all that money for a child that would refuse to ride the rides.  Chuckie has been there once, he went with a friend last year for the school picnic. 

Chuck and I used to go every summer, just the two of us.  It was a day for us to enjoy each other and just have fun.  We haven’t done that in quite a few years so this is going to be fun!  We are going on a Friday mid July to try to go on a day when there are less people.  There will be a group of 12 of us going.  Also, I found some less expensive tickets on Craigslist so we are getting the tickets for only $20!!  Regular price is $33.99!  Also, the tickets are through a charity that helps find missing children so the money goes to the charity!  Win-win situation!  When you are buying four tickets, that is a great savings!!

We are also planning a trip to the zoo for Lincoln’s second birthday at the end of July.  He will love it!  I didn’t really know what to do for his birthday and Jada suggested we go to the zoo.  Our little family of five loves the zoo.  We have been known to spend a good 7 hours at the zoo and go around to see the animals twice or even three times!  We take our time, we enjoy them.  I can’t wait to see Lincoln’s reaction to some of the animals.  I know that he will call most of the animals “Coco” that is our one dog.  Any animal is named Coco!  It could be a lizard and its name is Coco!

Along with Lincoln’s second birthday, we will be celelbrating our tenth wedding anniversary.  It is two days after his birthday.  We still don’t have plans for that but I need to come up with a good gift.  I have tons of ideas but need to narrow it down! 

We had hoped to go to Washington DC this summer but I don’t really think that is going to happen unfortunately.  My brother lives about a half hour from there and we could stay at his place so that would save us on a hotel stay so our trip would consist of paying for gas!  I would love to go since we’ve never been there.  When we got lost on our way home from the beach and drove around DC looking for  a way to get out, it was exciting.  I was so excited to see the things I was seeing.  I can’t wait to go and walk and see these things but it might not be this summer. Lucky for us, we could do it anytime of the year since we have a place to sleep.  Maybe in early fall when it is still warm but not as busy as summertime?!

What are your plans for the rest of the summer?  Are you doing anything exciting?!

This morning before school, I was telling the kids that they should give their classmates their email addresses so they can keep in touch over the summer.  Yes, my kids have their own email addresses.  Jada got hers when her bestest friend ever moved away.  Chuckie got his this morning as I was telling them to give their friends their email addresses!  He is thrilled. 

I started to think that when I was younger, I think I gave out my actual physical street address and phone number.  I told the kids that they can give their friends their phone number too but I think they want to just stick with the email address.  Wow, what a huge difference between myself and them! 

I didn’t even know what the heck an email address was until after high school!  I realize that may be late for people my age but I didn’t know.

I guess exchanging email addresses in second and third grade is just a part of being in the new generation.  My kids are growing up so fast.  Makes me want to cry….or it could be the fact that it is the last day of school