Life of Mine

Glimpses of the Former Me

Before I started working full time, I was the queen of multi-tasking and volunteering and being all around involved….in everything.

I was very active in the PTO, Vice President to be exact, I was at the school constantly to volunteer for everything and anything, I was the team mom for Chuckie’s football team, I was running around with the kids doing so many activities and fun things.  I was keeping the house in great shape, doing all the normal household chores and still having time for all the other stuff I wanted to do. 

Since starting working full time, I have really slacked off on most of those things.  I have only been to the school twice this school year to help out, I haven’t gone to any of the school events ( I was literally at every single one in previous years!) I can no longer keep on top of all the housework. 

I can no longer devote hours to the kids with undivided attention.  I am starting to feel like an inadequate mom.  That feeling? It sucks so bad.

Today, I helped the kids to start decorating their valentine boxes for their school parties next week.  These are the kinds of things that I would do in a heartbeat before starting work.  I had the extra time to do it at the drop of a dime.  Now?  I’ve had to tell them a few times, not yet, I can’t do it now, wait until the weekend, etc.

I went to the doctor last week for my annual exam and I talked to him about things going on with me.  I have been prescribed that little pill that I used to take again.  It’s time for me to start back on the depression medication.  It’s a low dosage and it will also help me with my anxiety.  I have been on and off of this medication a few times but I do agree that I need it.  This time of year is always tough and stressful for me, but adding the bad feelings that I am not doing a good enough job of being a wife, mother and friend, and I know that I need it.

There are times when I am at home and doing something with the kids or doing major housework and I say out loud, “this is something I did when I wasn’t working and I miss it!”  I am starting to resent working full time.  That sounds awful, I know it does. 

How in the heck have those of you that have always worked full time with having kids, done it?!  How do you balance it all?  What the hell do I need to do to make it work better for me?!  Any advice out there?

Some Great Local Fundraiser Events Coming Up

There are a few things that I do each year to help raise funds for various charities or foundations and as the year is progressing, the calendar of events is starting to fill up.

Most of the events that we do are for the March of Dimes.  We have a family team that we are a part of and so we participate in the annual “Bowling for Babies” event that is really a ton of fun.  Anyone in the area can go and spend the afternoon bowling, eating, drinking and trying to win some great raffles. 

We also participate in the annual walk, March for Babies in Pittsburgh.  We walk in memory of a sweet angel, Kaydence and walk in honor of her brother who was born early and spent the first few weeks of his life in NICU and then again when he contracted RSV. 

I have already added the widget to my sidebar for this year’s walk in trying to raise funds for the organization. If you have a walk in your area, I encourage you to participate.  It is a great way to help out babies and it will definitely make you feel good.

Another event that has been brought to my attention in this area is the Walk for Alex.  It is taking place in North Park in April.  His story and the details can be found here.

If you have any other events going on in your area or in the Pittsburgh area, please let me know.  I would love to check them out and see if I can join in on the fun and charity.

Getting a Reaction

Well, I didn’t quite expect all the responses from my last post but I do appreciate the support that you all gave me! 

My supervisor is back to work after having two days off and she was sick.  She came to me this morning and said, “I tried to play hookie and karma got me and I ended up really sick.”  She will never do that again. 

The manager did ask me yesterday if she really was sick.  I told him that Monday it was very doubtful that she was sick and he said that when she came back, he would be talking to her about how things have been.  I’m sure that she will be a topic of discussion at the Managers Meeting they are having right now. Especially since she did not go to attend this meeting that she is supposed to be at.

Where Do I Go From Here

So many changes have happened at work.  The work itself is still the same, however, the supervisor (she calls herself the manager so I’m not sure which it is) has changed in so many ways. 

She is beginning to drive me a little nuts.  Yes, I realize that she could find this post and beat the crap out of me but I don’t think she would really care, to be honest. 

She has been in this crazy relationship for a few months, calling me to tell me how awful he is, then turning around and going out on dates with him.  I told her on Thursday to not call me when things go bad and he threatens her again.  I cannot deal with someone who will have me pray for her safety then turn around and date him again after two days. 

When we are at work, she acts a little crazy.  I mean, she is fun and we do have a good time but there are times to be serious and get the work done and sometimes, that just doesn’t happen.  Many times, I am left to do the work by myself and I really can’t say anything because she is my supervisor.  I stay past my eight hours to do the work that needs to be done while she punches out as soon as her eight hours are up, if not before then.

She called and left me a voicemail an hour ago to tell me that she won’t be in at work tomorrow because she isn’t feeling better yet. (we were both feeling sick on Thursday) In the message she said that, “she knows she went out last night, she is feeling better but just not well enough to go to work and honestly, she just wants to stay home to spend the day with her boyfriend!”

Seriously?!  How do you leave someone you work with a message like that?!  It is so frustrating and I have begun to really dislike going to work.  Every Sunday I want to literally cry at the thought of going in to work.  I mean, I am leaving my family to go and work with this?!  Is the money really worth it?  So, I will be working by myself tomorrow so that she can spend the day with her boyfriend.  Now, I know I was off on Friday but that was because work was slow and she offered for me to stay home.  If I were to say anything about her staying home tomorrow, she would throw this in my face.  I guess this is a problem with being friends with your co-workers…it’s easier to get away with things like this?! 

I have been looking online at job listings.  While I would hate to leave the other people I work with, if I found another job with the same pay and same work days, I would seriously consider leaving. 

So, do you have any advice?! 

The management knows about most of this stuff, they see it, they comment on it but nothing changes. I don’t know if they have said anything to her or not.  I do know that the executive chef said stuff to her last week about her behavior and attitude toward work but I don’t think she took him seriously.

Date Night!

My birthday was on Tuesday, but because it was during the week and I was working hard all week, we decided that we would go out tonight instead to celebrate. 

We are going out, just the two of us to have a bite to eat and a few drinks.  I cannot wait.  I am currently trying to decide how to dress.  Do I wear something sexy or do I wear something comfy?! 

If this were ten years ago, it wouldn’t even be a question.  I am officially old! Ha!

I think we are going to dinner at Uno Chicago Grill.  I’ve never been there but we are going to check it out.  I’m sure we will end up somewhere else for more drinks though. 

I didn’t have to work today so I am well rested and ready to go, however, I am still hoping to stay awake this evening.  The other question is…what to drink.  I am a beer kind of girl but it is my birthday celebration…I may have to do a mixed drink or two or three!!

I need a vacation

That is an understatement.  I really need a getaway and preferrably without the kids.  It’s not the kids that I am trying to get away from, but it would allow me to relax and really unwind. 

Work has been very busy lately and I am just exhausted! I have been getting very little sleep…I hate having to go to bed early so I just stay up as late as I can and I end up with like 5 hours of sleep.  For all the walking and lifting I do at work, that doesn’t quite cut it.  I need more sleep. I do catch up on the weekends but that isn’t the same. 

I would love to go somewhere now but it isn’t going to happen.  I would like to go before Chuck goes back to work so I was thinking maybe in April we could squeeze in a mini vacation.  I just don’t know where we would go!

We do have some options with free places to stay so I will have to choose!  Where would you go for a mini vacation?  Some of our options….Washington DC, Niagara Falls, ONT; Florida, California….but it is only for a few days so I’d hate to travel really far for such a short trip.

Another Review Post and My Spot

I have another review that I did posted over at the Penny Pinching Diva site!  I am so excited to have this experience and exposure.  I just love Shynea and being a part of her creativity and talent. 

She also has a page for the reviewers.  You can see that here.

I hope to continue with helping her with more reviews and anything else that she may need me for.

EDITED TO ADD: In case you don’t read the comments, here is a tidbit from a comment from Shynea (PPD) :

Second, I am SO glad that you are reviewing for PPD.com. It is SO much fun to have you work with me and your last review, the company is “raving” about it. I will have to forward you the email this afternoon so you can read it for yourself. They are really excited about it and have even forwarded it to the Wal-Mart corporation to show it off. (Because Wal-Mart just picked up their entire product line.)

How freaking awesome is that?!  I am so excited about it!

Red

I have been looking for a new coat.  I have always wanted a nice peacoat but never have been lucky ennough to find one at a price I was willing to pay.  Yes, I am frugal when it comes to clothing.  I have to be. 

Anyway, Chuck got me a gift card for American Eagle Outfitters for Christmas and I haven’t had the chance to go and see what they have.  I decided to look online and this is what I found!

The lovely coat!

Isn’t it great?!  The original retail price was $129.99 but it is now on clearance for $59.99.  They are having a special on clearance where everything is an additional 30% off!  That means that this beautiful coat is on sale for $41.00!!!  That is amazing to me and a price I am willing to pay.  I was going to buy it online but then I figured that I would look to see if it was in stock at my local store.  It is!  I think I may have to make a trip to the store tomorrow!  This baby needs to be in my closet!  I am just wondering if the local store has it where the clearance stuff has the additional 30% off or if it is just online.  I will have to find out for sure before I run out there, otherwise I will just buy it online and pay the shipping.  I hate paying for shipping..

Love and Basketball

I love that movie, by the way.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. 

Anyway, Chuckie is into his basketball season and he is doing okay.  Not as well as last year but it is still early on and he has a different coach.  One that isn’t as aggressive as last year. 

He had a basketball game today and he did well.  As time was running out on the clock, he got the ball…he dribbled….he positioned his feet.  He was at half court.  I thought to myself, oh gosh, he is going to try this shot and miss it….he shouldn’t shoot from that far back. What did I know?  He made the shot as the buzzer sounded!!  He was so thrilled and proud.  I was proud. 

I love football and watching him play that was just so fun.  Basketball is a little different but just as fun.  I look forward to the rest of the season and watching him as he develops his skills. 

I have been blessed with an athletic son.  It brings back so many memories of watching Chuck in high school when he played football and basketball.  Thank goodness those are the two sports that I really understand!!

Self Esteem

It can be the best thing in the world or the worst thing in the world.  I guess it depends on whether you have it or not.  I go through phases I think. 

In high school, I had a huge problem with this.  I had low self esteem but I was still happy and outgoing.  I really hated myself inside most of the time though.  I had many people tell me how beautiful and smart I was but I just couldn’t see what they were talking about. 

As I got older, my self esteem rose a bit and now I can say that I have a healthy level of self esteem.  I still have people regularly tell me how wonderful of a person I am and how I don’t even know how beautiful I am but again, it is harder to see that from where I am!

I got my hair cut two weeks ago and I love it.  I have really kept up with the styling everyday and that surprises even myself.  I am a ponytail kind of a girl so for me to put the extra effort of blow drying, flat ironing and spraying my hair on a daily basis….it’s amazing!

I think a huge part of my keeping up with the styling is that I have gotten so many compliments on my hair.  I work in a large building with over 1800 employees and I have had well over 200 people tell me that my hair cut looks great and I look really nice with it.  It has given me a big boost in the self esteem department. 

I have been working out more too so I am losing some weight and hopefully toning up my body in the process.  I have goals for how I want to look but in the meantime, I think I look pretty good…that is a good thing. 

Not the best picture but that's okay!

How is  your self esteem?  It’s okay to feel down some days and that you are looking less than stellar but please believe that you are beautiful inside and out.  We all are, in our own ways.  Our uniqueness is what makes us all beautiful.