I think about the time I will be able to spend with my kids until they go back to school and my heart feels so full of happiness.

We have a full month to do the things that we’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the time.  We plan on going to the park, going to the zoo, going to the pool and having picnics for lunch.  Simple things that a lot of people don’t have a seond thought about.  These are the memories of childhood that I want my kids to have.  I don’t want them to look back on their childhood and say, I had to get up early every morning, we were with other people besides my mom and dad, I didn’t do anything fun because we didn’t have the time, etc.

I am so darn excited to turn things around.  Life will be back to our normal again. 

I am so thankful for the job I’ve had for the past year, I am thankful for the friendships I’ve gained.  Those will always be in my heart and hopefully they will last forever. 

I will cry on my last day, I already know this.  When people at work talk about it, I get all teary eyed.  I am really more emotional about this than I ever thought I would be. 

So many people at work, not even in my company….maintenance guys, IT guys, customers have said how much they are going to miss me and how upset they are to know that I am leaving.  That means so much to me.  I really never thought that so many people would have such a reaction to my leaving.  Maybe that is why it is so hard on me. One of the facilities guys said that the sun won’t shine as bright after I leave.  How sweet. 

Now I realize that they could all just be saying it but really I am just overwhelmed by the kindness from them.  I really appreciate it. 

Also on my list of things I am going to do?…..get back in the gym on a regular basis!!  I will be able to go to all the morning classes again and I couldn’t be more excited to get back in shape! I have about ten pounds to lose and lots to tone up to get back to where I was before so I will be working hard on that!

Lately, I have been really pondering what is truly important in my life.  I know what is at the top of my list, the same thing that always has been there.  My family.  My husband and kids will always come first. 

As you know, I work full time outside of the home.  It was rough at first, but I have the luxury of working Monday through Friday and I am done with work in the early afternoon.  There are some really great things about where I work and there are really bad factors to my work. 

Since school has let out and we have moved, I have been waking my kids up at 5:15am everyday to take them to my Mother-in-law’s house.  That is very early for the kids, especially when they are on summer break from school.  This time of year is supposed to be fun and they are supposed to burn off all their energy outside.  That is not happening.  They are tired and crabby.

I am tired and crabby. 

I feel really bad about making them get up early.  That and babysitter issues has brought me to a place where I am seriously considering finding a new job.  One that allows my kids to wake up later.  One that allows me to spend a little more time with the kids. 

Obviously, we still need the money that I am currently making and switching jobs could mean making less money.  It could also mean different hours, working later in the day but not evenings or weekends. 

I have thought about watching kids in my home for parents looking for someone who isn’t a daycare.  I also thought about the fact that if I needed to take my kids to the doctor for an illness, that would be impossible if I were watching more than one child in my home.  There were too many negatives about this option. 

But, I am still open to the idea of watching a baby or kids.  My friend found a great nanny position on Care.com and told me to check it out.  You can enter in your zip code and find families looking for a nanny/babysitter. 

I was a little disappointed to see a lot of families who live so close but the hours wouldn’t work for us….at the end of the month, we start football in the evenings and then dance starts in September.  Plus, Lincoln will be starting preschool in September and that starts at 12:30pm. 

I logged on today and found the perfect opportunity.  The days and hours are absolutely perfect!  The kids could sleep in and even leave from here to get on the bus instead of going to my MIL’s house in the mornings! 

I am not sure what to do but I did respond to that ad to say that I was interested.  I am not going to get my hopes up but at the same time it really opened my eyes up to the possibility that I could really be changing jobs. 

I have so many reasons to stay where I am working.  Hello, I just earned my week paid vacation yesterday! I love the people I work with and it is something that I love to do. At the same time, I love my kids more and I have to do what is right for them and myself. 

My family will come first and making adjustments so that we are all happy, while they can be tough, are my priority.

I have been having some issues recently with my body and it really sucks!  I have been having bad pains in my lower back and abdomin.  I actually feel like I am in labor on a regular basis.  I went to my OB/GYN thinking that maybe I am having some problems with my Mirena IUD but everything is normal and nothing feels out of whack.  She told me to call back in a few days/weeks if I am still in pain and I may have to get a sonogram done to see if I have cysts on my ovaries but she said that they felt normal to her.  So, every single day I am in pain and sometimes at work, I have to crouch down and curve my back for some relief.  I am hoping that it either stops soon or we find out what is causing it so that it will go the heck away!

The work situation hasn’t gotten much better but I routinely remind myself that so many others have it worse than I do.  I am lucky to have a full time job that pays okay (still waiting on that raise that was promised to me months ago!) and isn’t too tough. I am lucky….that is my mantra on those not-so-easy days. 

The housing situation is up in the air.  There isn’t much around here for rent but I did find one house that is sounding perfect…… it is in our school district and area that we love, has 3 bedrooms (ideally we would have 4 but 3 is okay), 2 bathrooms, sits on 2 acres of land, fenced in yard with a play area with swings, a garage, etc.  I responded to the ad and talked to the owner today.  She is in the process of clearing, packing and moving out of the house so she isn’t quite ready to show the house just yet.  She said she is going to call me in a few days to set up a time to show it to us.  I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best while preparing to be disappointed.  I have been down this road before so I always prepare for the worst.  She said she received so many emails about the house that she has been overwhelmed.  I am really hoping this works out for us.  Keep your fingers crossed too!

Chuck will be going back to work before we know it and it saddens me.  We haven’t been able to spend as much time together as I had hoped.  As some of you know, I cry every single stinking year when he goes back to work.  Maybe this year will be different since I am working and am not used to spending all day together but I am bummed he is going back.  That just means less time together than we have now, which isn’t a lot at all.:(   However, on the bright side, it means more money coming in so we will be in a better situation!

I just keep reminding myself that the warmer, sunnier days are ahead which means, better moods for everyone, more time to spend outside and swimming!

I want to be more positive and when things aren’t going my way, I need to change my thinking and make things happen.  I need to step it up and make things work the way I want them to.  Nothing will change if I don’t give it my 100% to start that change.

I know I don’t have all the answers, heck, I don’t have many of the answers right now but I will work hard to get there. 

Things will change and the path is going to start moving forward.  No more steps backward.  Life is an adventure, right?!  Mine is going to be a fun adventure from here on out….no more pouting!

It’s me, wearing my new glasses!

There are always jobs listed in the various online ads and sites.  Most of these listings are scams and get you nowhere but on the losing end of the “nominal fee.” 

I have searched, I have brainstormed my talents and skills.  I have come up empty.  Maybe. 

There is a product that hasn’t really saturated this area (that I know of) and so I am thinking of starting up with them.  It is a company that I learned of through Chuckie’s teacher.  The products make sense and the cost is not very high at all.  It is much less than Partylite, Tupperware or any of the other big name “at home party” businesses.  Does it involve me doing home parties? Yes but that isn’t too much of a problem…I would be setting my days/hours. 

There is a startup fee but it isn’t outrageous and you do get a lot for what you are paying.  I don’t want to mention the product just yet…unless you ask me, of course.

Weighing my options for now and wondering how long I should wait before I make a decision.  The problem with waiting sometimes is that other people in this area could start up and take away the business that I could be getting while I am making my decision.  That would suck.  I looked online and found only 3 other people in the region that sell this product.  That isn’t bad at all. 

Oh to dream that I could (if I do well) start working from home and not be getting up at 4:30am for a job that drives me nutty!

I was very active in the PTO, Vice President to be exact, I was at the school constantly to volunteer for everything and anything, I was the team mom for Chuckie’s football team, I was running around with the kids doing so many activities and fun things.  I was keeping the house in great shape, doing all the normal household chores and still having time for all the other stuff I wanted to do. 

Since starting working full time, I have really slacked off on most of those things.  I have only been to the school twice this school year to help out, I haven’t gone to any of the school events ( I was literally at every single one in previous years!) I can no longer keep on top of all the housework. 

I can no longer devote hours to the kids with undivided attention.  I am starting to feel like an inadequate mom.  That feeling? It sucks so bad.

Today, I helped the kids to start decorating their valentine boxes for their school parties next week.  These are the kinds of things that I would do in a heartbeat before starting work.  I had the extra time to do it at the drop of a dime.  Now?  I’ve had to tell them a few times, not yet, I can’t do it now, wait until the weekend, etc.

I went to the doctor last week for my annual exam and I talked to him about things going on with me.  I have been prescribed that little pill that I used to take again.  It’s time for me to start back on the depression medication.  It’s a low dosage and it will also help me with my anxiety.  I have been on and off of this medication a few times but I do agree that I need it.  This time of year is always tough and stressful for me, but adding the bad feelings that I am not doing a good enough job of being a wife, mother and friend, and I know that I need it.

There are times when I am at home and doing something with the kids or doing major housework and I say out loud, “this is something I did when I wasn’t working and I miss it!”  I am starting to resent working full time.  That sounds awful, I know it does. 

How in the heck have those of you that have always worked full time with having kids, done it?!  How do you balance it all?  What the hell do I need to do to make it work better for me?!  Any advice out there?

She is beginning to drive me a little nuts.  Yes, I realize that she could find this post and beat the crap out of me but I don’t think she would really care, to be honest. 

She has been in this crazy relationship for a few months, calling me to tell me how awful he is, then turning around and going out on dates with him.  I told her on Thursday to not call me when things go bad and he threatens her again.  I cannot deal with someone who will have me pray for her safety then turn around and date him again after two days. 

When we are at work, she acts a little crazy.  I mean, she is fun and we do have a good time but there are times to be serious and get the work done and sometimes, that just doesn’t happen.  Many times, I am left to do the work by myself and I really can’t say anything because she is my supervisor.  I stay past my eight hours to do the work that needs to be done while she punches out as soon as her eight hours are up, if not before then.

She called and left me a voicemail an hour ago to tell me that she won’t be in at work tomorrow because she isn’t feeling better yet. (we were both feeling sick on Thursday) In the message she said that, “she knows she went out last night, she is feeling better but just not well enough to go to work and honestly, she just wants to stay home to spend the day with her boyfriend!”

Seriously?!  How do you leave someone you work with a message like that?!  It is so frustrating and I have begun to really dislike going to work.  Every Sunday I want to literally cry at the thought of going in to work.  I mean, I am leaving my family to go and work with this?!  Is the money really worth it?  So, I will be working by myself tomorrow so that she can spend the day with her boyfriend.  Now, I know I was off on Friday but that was because work was slow and she offered for me to stay home.  If I were to say anything about her staying home tomorrow, she would throw this in my face.  I guess this is a problem with being friends with your co-workers…it’s easier to get away with things like this?! 

I have been looking online at job listings.  While I would hate to leave the other people I work with, if I found another job with the same pay and same work days, I would seriously consider leaving. 

So, do you have any advice?! 

The management knows about most of this stuff, they see it, they comment on it but nothing changes. I don’t know if they have said anything to her or not.  I do know that the executive chef said stuff to her last week about her behavior and attitude toward work but I don’t think she took him seriously.

After complaining that daycare was taking my paychecks away from me, I decided to look in the paper for any daycare or childcare providers that might be a little less expensive to help us out.  I didn’t find anything but I did see an ad for a daycare hiring a full time teacher/teacher aide.  I looked up the number and it is for a daycare that my sister in law works at. 

A daycare that allows you to bring your children for free.  For free. 

I don’t know if this ad was a coincidence or fate. 

If you remember, I did apply for  a daycare job before.  I wanted to work in the infant room.  That was where I wanted to be, where I could see myself loving every day with babies.  This position in the paper?  The infant room!

I talked to my sister in law about it and the more we talked the more I realized that this may be the answer to the whole daycare vs. working debacle. 

Chuck will be getting laid off after next week so I don’t need daycare after this week and then I started to think that maybe I should just stay where I am and work it out later when he goes back.  That’s where the problem lies.  In the spring we would be in the same position we are in now.  Needing babysitters and daycare to help out and money going out the door again.  This position also would not be available in the spring. 

I decided to call the center and set up an interview to see how I would feel about it.  To see if this is something that I would want to do.  The lady was really nice and I answered those weird questions as best I could.  What is your best quality?  What is your worst quality? What is one word you would use to describe yourself? Seriously, where do these questions come from?  Anyway, we sat and talked for awhile and she showed me around the place.  Not only was I paying attention to where I would be but also to where Lincoln would be since he would be going there as well.  Overall, the place is nice.  The staff is friendly and it is clean. 

I would be in the infant room mostly by myself unless there is a need for another person.  Today, for example, there were only 3 babies so there was only one person working in the room, the person I would be replacing. 

The other thing I liked about it is that I can choose my work week.  Right now the girl works five days a week.  Three days she is there 7am-5:30pm, one day 7am-4pm and one day 7am-11 or 12am/pm.  I would also have the option to work four ten hour days and have one day off.  I don’t know yet what I would want to do.  She did say that if there are days that I would need off or to leave early, she is pretty flexible because as a mom, she understands how it is.  That means that I would still be able to go on my kids’ field trips, class plays, etc. 

If I would ever need to take the older kids there, I could do that as well….for free!  In the summer when school is out..they can be there! After a year, there is paid vacations and paid holidays! 

More and more it seems like this is a move I can make and enjoy.  I don’t know how this is going to turn out but today, I feel positive that things will go well and I will make a decision that benefits my family.  I have to do what works for all of us and will make things easier for us.

I try to at least read everyone else’s sites to keep up to date on what is going on with everyone.  Is it just me or is everyone overloaded with so much going on?! 

It doesn’t help that our home computer is not working…you get online and then it shuts you down and you are offline.  I don’t know what the problem is but I think we need to clean out the computer.  The kids mainly use that one and maybe they have gotten us a lovely virus or something.  I don’t know, hopefully we can get it back up and running soon.

My laptop is doing fine but the power cord isn’t working very well and I have to rig it up against something so that it charges the computer.  I’ve ordered a new one, though, so it should be in this week and hopefully then, I can quickly charge it up and use it all the time again! 

Things are going well for me.  Work is going fine, I’ve gotten the hang of things and it’s getting easier.  The hours are great and time flies while I am there.  I was even invited to a co-worker’s house last week for a girls night of drinks.  I didn’t go because I had the kids and even though they said I could bring the kids, I didn’t want to be the only one with kids there.  Maybe next time though! 

The kids have adjusted well to me not being home.  They don’t seem to be acting differently or anything.  They’ve been patient with my crabbiness that the exhaustion has brought on too! I’m trying to really keep that in check though. I’m still going to the gym at least 3 nights a week too so that hasn’t changed too much, just the classes I am taking.  I miss going in the mornings though.  I think it is much easier to workout in the mornings. 

I am happy to say that my weight hasn’t gone up either.  I was afraid it would because of all the good food at work but I think that the fact that I can’t just snack all day is helping! 

Jada gets her braces off in three weeks!  She is so excited.  I have to see if I can take off of work though because she has to go in the morning to get them off then again in the afternoon for the retainers.  I was thinking that my mom might be able to take her because some weeks her day off is Tuesday but not that week.  I started thinking that it didn’t matter if she was off or not. I want to be there.  These are the things that are important to me.  Working and earning a paycheck is very important and vital to our lives now but my kids will always come first.  How could I miss out on this very big day in my daughter’s life, right?!  I am starting to realize that the balance of family and work is very hard.  I don’t know if I could have done this years ago.  I also decided to tell work that I cannot work on Aug. 31st as this is the kids’ first day of school.  We have a tradition on the first day where I help the kids get ready, we take pictures outside of their outfits and backpacks and then I drive them to school.  If  I have been doing this since Jada’s first day of kindergarten, how do I stop doing that this year?!  Unfortunately, my supervisor girl who is 23, does not understand these parenting dilemnas.  She looked at me like I was crazy for saying that I may need the day off when Jada gets her braces off.  I’m sure that she will think I am even crazier for wanting the first day of school off.  She will be sure to make a smart remark but that’s okay, I am still going to ask for the days off.  The other people understand, even though some of them don’t have kids either. 

I have to get my car inspected this month and time is quickly slipping away from me.  The two places that I usually go to are not open on Saturdays so I am going to have to see if I can drop it off after work and have them do it in the afternoon.  I hope they can do it.  I know that I need some things done for inspection but I am hoping for less than $500 in repairs.  It will suck but I know that it sounds like it is falling apart!  We have been looking at cars online for me.  We would like to trade mine in for something newer and bigger but not something brand new.  We don’t want a big car payment because we have a savings plan in place to buy a house so this would put a big dent in our plan.  We would rather keep on saving and get out of here!

Why is being a grown up so hard?!  I wish I was a kid again.  No responsibilities but feeding the dogs! 

So, yeah, that’s what has been going on with us.  I have so much more to say but it will have to wait.  I have the day off today and I am spending it with my family.  Time is precious these days.  I’m taking the kids shopping with me.  Time to stock up on snacks for the week!

I went to the gym today and I decided not to do a class. I have been going to classes for about two months now and not doing any workouts on my own like I used to all the time.  I think that maybe that is why I am not losing weight.  I needed to change things up and do something different.  I was on the Precor EFX which is my all time favorite piece of machinery.  It is such a great workout and you burn calories like crazy.  It is all leg work which is my problem area so I feel good on there.  I also lifted weights.  Something I was doing very regularly when my husband was working out with me.  He taught me which machines were good for me for what I wanted to do, the amount of weight to lift for the goals I was setting and how many reps and sets to do.  He was like my own personal trainer and a big reason why the weight started to really come off.  So, I decided to go back to that routine for today. 

I stepped on the scale and holy mackeral!  I finally lost some weight!  I am down 1.4lbs!! I may have stepped off the plateau that I was stuck on!!

Today is a very good day.  Now I just hope that Old Navy has the tank top I bought in a medium.  I bought a small and it is too tight.  Chuck told me to just keep it so it is a goal of mine to wear it and have it not be tight but I’d rather just exchange it because I want to wear it when I go to power yoga!  It is a tank that pulls the moisture away from you so it would be a big help in that class.  Plus, it says “Peace, Love and Yoga”  I love it!!

I have a few errands to run today and just as my luck is running today, Chuckie is going to his friend’s house so I am down to 2 kids and Jada might be staying with their Gramma so I might be down to 1 kid!! 

I don’t know if this day can get any better!