I think about the time I will be able to spend with my kids until they go back to school and my heart feels so full of happiness.

We have a full month to do the things that we’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the time.  We plan on going to the park, going to the zoo, going to the pool and having picnics for lunch.  Simple things that a lot of people don’t have a seond thought about.  These are the memories of childhood that I want my kids to have.  I don’t want them to look back on their childhood and say, I had to get up early every morning, we were with other people besides my mom and dad, I didn’t do anything fun because we didn’t have the time, etc.

I am so darn excited to turn things around.  Life will be back to our normal again. 

I am so thankful for the job I’ve had for the past year, I am thankful for the friendships I’ve gained.  Those will always be in my heart and hopefully they will last forever. 

I will cry on my last day, I already know this.  When people at work talk about it, I get all teary eyed.  I am really more emotional about this than I ever thought I would be. 

So many people at work, not even in my company….maintenance guys, IT guys, customers have said how much they are going to miss me and how upset they are to know that I am leaving.  That means so much to me.  I really never thought that so many people would have such a reaction to my leaving.  Maybe that is why it is so hard on me. One of the facilities guys said that the sun won’t shine as bright after I leave.  How sweet. 

Now I realize that they could all just be saying it but really I am just overwhelmed by the kindness from them.  I really appreciate it. 

Also on my list of things I am going to do?…..get back in the gym on a regular basis!!  I will be able to go to all the morning classes again and I couldn’t be more excited to get back in shape! I have about ten pounds to lose and lots to tone up to get back to where I was before so I will be working hard on that!

Lately, I have been really pondering what is truly important in my life.  I know what is at the top of my list, the same thing that always has been there.  My family.  My husband and kids will always come first. 

As you know, I work full time outside of the home.  It was rough at first, but I have the luxury of working Monday through Friday and I am done with work in the early afternoon.  There are some really great things about where I work and there are really bad factors to my work. 

Since school has let out and we have moved, I have been waking my kids up at 5:15am everyday to take them to my Mother-in-law’s house.  That is very early for the kids, especially when they are on summer break from school.  This time of year is supposed to be fun and they are supposed to burn off all their energy outside.  That is not happening.  They are tired and crabby.

I am tired and crabby. 

I feel really bad about making them get up early.  That and babysitter issues has brought me to a place where I am seriously considering finding a new job.  One that allows my kids to wake up later.  One that allows me to spend a little more time with the kids. 

Obviously, we still need the money that I am currently making and switching jobs could mean making less money.  It could also mean different hours, working later in the day but not evenings or weekends. 

I have thought about watching kids in my home for parents looking for someone who isn’t a daycare.  I also thought about the fact that if I needed to take my kids to the doctor for an illness, that would be impossible if I were watching more than one child in my home.  There were too many negatives about this option. 

But, I am still open to the idea of watching a baby or kids.  My friend found a great nanny position on Care.com and told me to check it out.  You can enter in your zip code and find families looking for a nanny/babysitter. 

I was a little disappointed to see a lot of families who live so close but the hours wouldn’t work for us….at the end of the month, we start football in the evenings and then dance starts in September.  Plus, Lincoln will be starting preschool in September and that starts at 12:30pm. 

I logged on today and found the perfect opportunity.  The days and hours are absolutely perfect!  The kids could sleep in and even leave from here to get on the bus instead of going to my MIL’s house in the mornings! 

I am not sure what to do but I did respond to that ad to say that I was interested.  I am not going to get my hopes up but at the same time it really opened my eyes up to the possibility that I could really be changing jobs. 

I have so many reasons to stay where I am working.  Hello, I just earned my week paid vacation yesterday! I love the people I work with and it is something that I love to do. At the same time, I love my kids more and I have to do what is right for them and myself. 

My family will come first and making adjustments so that we are all happy, while they can be tough, are my priority.

I have been having some issues recently with my body and it really sucks!  I have been having bad pains in my lower back and abdomin.  I actually feel like I am in labor on a regular basis.  I went to my OB/GYN thinking that maybe I am having some problems with my Mirena IUD but everything is normal and nothing feels out of whack.  She told me to call back in a few days/weeks if I am still in pain and I may have to get a sonogram done to see if I have cysts on my ovaries but she said that they felt normal to her.  So, every single day I am in pain and sometimes at work, I have to crouch down and curve my back for some relief.  I am hoping that it either stops soon or we find out what is causing it so that it will go the heck away!

The work situation hasn’t gotten much better but I routinely remind myself that so many others have it worse than I do.  I am lucky to have a full time job that pays okay (still waiting on that raise that was promised to me months ago!) and isn’t too tough. I am lucky….that is my mantra on those not-so-easy days. 

The housing situation is up in the air.  There isn’t much around here for rent but I did find one house that is sounding perfect…… it is in our school district and area that we love, has 3 bedrooms (ideally we would have 4 but 3 is okay), 2 bathrooms, sits on 2 acres of land, fenced in yard with a play area with swings, a garage, etc.  I responded to the ad and talked to the owner today.  She is in the process of clearing, packing and moving out of the house so she isn’t quite ready to show the house just yet.  She said she is going to call me in a few days to set up a time to show it to us.  I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best while preparing to be disappointed.  I have been down this road before so I always prepare for the worst.  She said she received so many emails about the house that she has been overwhelmed.  I am really hoping this works out for us.  Keep your fingers crossed too!

Chuck will be going back to work before we know it and it saddens me.  We haven’t been able to spend as much time together as I had hoped.  As some of you know, I cry every single stinking year when he goes back to work.  Maybe this year will be different since I am working and am not used to spending all day together but I am bummed he is going back.  That just means less time together than we have now, which isn’t a lot at all.:(   However, on the bright side, it means more money coming in so we will be in a better situation!

I just keep reminding myself that the warmer, sunnier days are ahead which means, better moods for everyone, more time to spend outside and swimming!

I want to be more positive and when things aren’t going my way, I need to change my thinking and make things happen.  I need to step it up and make things work the way I want them to.  Nothing will change if I don’t give it my 100% to start that change.

I know I don’t have all the answers, heck, I don’t have many of the answers right now but I will work hard to get there. 

Things will change and the path is going to start moving forward.  No more steps backward.  Life is an adventure, right?!  Mine is going to be a fun adventure from here on out….no more pouting!

It’s me, wearing my new glasses!

There are always jobs listed in the various online ads and sites.  Most of these listings are scams and get you nowhere but on the losing end of the “nominal fee.” 

I have searched, I have brainstormed my talents and skills.  I have come up empty.  Maybe. 

There is a product that hasn’t really saturated this area (that I know of) and so I am thinking of starting up with them.  It is a company that I learned of through Chuckie’s teacher.  The products make sense and the cost is not very high at all.  It is much less than Partylite, Tupperware or any of the other big name “at home party” businesses.  Does it involve me doing home parties? Yes but that isn’t too much of a problem…I would be setting my days/hours. 

There is a startup fee but it isn’t outrageous and you do get a lot for what you are paying.  I don’t want to mention the product just yet…unless you ask me, of course.

Weighing my options for now and wondering how long I should wait before I make a decision.  The problem with waiting sometimes is that other people in this area could start up and take away the business that I could be getting while I am making my decision.  That would suck.  I looked online and found only 3 other people in the region that sell this product.  That isn’t bad at all. 

Oh to dream that I could (if I do well) start working from home and not be getting up at 4:30am for a job that drives me nutty!

I was very active in the PTO, Vice President to be exact, I was at the school constantly to volunteer for everything and anything, I was the team mom for Chuckie’s football team, I was running around with the kids doing so many activities and fun things.  I was keeping the house in great shape, doing all the normal household chores and still having time for all the other stuff I wanted to do. 

Since starting working full time, I have really slacked off on most of those things.  I have only been to the school twice this school year to help out, I haven’t gone to any of the school events ( I was literally at every single one in previous years!) I can no longer keep on top of all the housework. 

I can no longer devote hours to the kids with undivided attention.  I am starting to feel like an inadequate mom.  That feeling? It sucks so bad.

Today, I helped the kids to start decorating their valentine boxes for their school parties next week.  These are the kinds of things that I would do in a heartbeat before starting work.  I had the extra time to do it at the drop of a dime.  Now?  I’ve had to tell them a few times, not yet, I can’t do it now, wait until the weekend, etc.

I went to the doctor last week for my annual exam and I talked to him about things going on with me.  I have been prescribed that little pill that I used to take again.  It’s time for me to start back on the depression medication.  It’s a low dosage and it will also help me with my anxiety.  I have been on and off of this medication a few times but I do agree that I need it.  This time of year is always tough and stressful for me, but adding the bad feelings that I am not doing a good enough job of being a wife, mother and friend, and I know that I need it.

There are times when I am at home and doing something with the kids or doing major housework and I say out loud, “this is something I did when I wasn’t working and I miss it!”  I am starting to resent working full time.  That sounds awful, I know it does. 

How in the heck have those of you that have always worked full time with having kids, done it?!  How do you balance it all?  What the hell do I need to do to make it work better for me?!  Any advice out there?

She is beginning to drive me a little nuts.  Yes, I realize that she could find this post and beat the crap out of me but I don’t think she would really care, to be honest. 

She has been in this crazy relationship for a few months, calling me to tell me how awful he is, then turning around and going out on dates with him.  I told her on Thursday to not call me when things go bad and he threatens her again.  I cannot deal with someone who will have me pray for her safety then turn around and date him again after two days. 

When we are at work, she acts a little crazy.  I mean, she is fun and we do have a good time but there are times to be serious and get the work done and sometimes, that just doesn’t happen.  Many times, I am left to do the work by myself and I really can’t say anything because she is my supervisor.  I stay past my eight hours to do the work that needs to be done while she punches out as soon as her eight hours are up, if not before then.

She called and left me a voicemail an hour ago to tell me that she won’t be in at work tomorrow because she isn’t feeling better yet. (we were both feeling sick on Thursday) In the message she said that, “she knows she went out last night, she is feeling better but just not well enough to go to work and honestly, she just wants to stay home to spend the day with her boyfriend!”

Seriously?!  How do you leave someone you work with a message like that?!  It is so frustrating and I have begun to really dislike going to work.  Every Sunday I want to literally cry at the thought of going in to work.  I mean, I am leaving my family to go and work with this?!  Is the money really worth it?  So, I will be working by myself tomorrow so that she can spend the day with her boyfriend.  Now, I know I was off on Friday but that was because work was slow and she offered for me to stay home.  If I were to say anything about her staying home tomorrow, she would throw this in my face.  I guess this is a problem with being friends with your co-workers…it’s easier to get away with things like this?! 

I have been looking online at job listings.  While I would hate to leave the other people I work with, if I found another job with the same pay and same work days, I would seriously consider leaving. 

So, do you have any advice?! 

The management knows about most of this stuff, they see it, they comment on it but nothing changes. I don’t know if they have said anything to her or not.  I do know that the executive chef said stuff to her last week about her behavior and attitude toward work but I don’t think she took him seriously.

It was a town where everyone knew everyone and with that, everyone knew your business…ha!  It was an average town with mostly middle class families.  The parents worked and that was normal. 

Since growing, the town has the near million dollar houses and families with very large incomes.  We don’t know everyone anymore and (thankfully) everyone doesn’t know your business. 

During December, the PTO president sent out an email to us saying that the guidance counselor was collecting items for some low income families in our community.  These families have children that go to our schools.  I am so disappointed to say that I didn’t get the chance to make a donation.  I have no excuses for this.  I got caught up in daily life and didn’t make it a priority to donate.  I am so sick about this because it is horrible. 

Today, I went to my PTO meeting and the principal from the building that the guidance counselor works from spoke.  He said he wanted to send out a huge thank you to all the people that donated to the families for Christmas. 

He said that they were able to provide gifts and necessities for 14 families in our school district!  He said he was there the day that they filled up vans and SUV’s with the goods for the families.  He said he had mothers and fathers hugging him crying, thanking him for the help. 

He said that the enormity of it all really hit him when a mother with three children said that her son walked into her bedroom saw three gifts and asked where the rest of the gifts were.  There was only one gift for each of the kids.  My friends and neighbors ( I mean the community) helped this family have a better Christmas.  They allowed those kids to go to school and talk about the things they got for Christmas, just like all the other kids.  The principal said it took everything in him not to start crying in front of this mother.  He said he walked back into his office and had to take a moment to compose himself before going back out. 

He said to all of us, “here we are so blessed and so fortunate. We forget sometimes that there are families in our own small town that need us. Families that can’t provide toys or books for their children to have the kind of Christmas that we all have.”  He is so right. 

A half hour before he said this, a lady sitting next to me was telling me how her daughter wanted some sort of Barbie van and she couldn’t find it anywhere.  She got it from Ebay for $155!  It normally retails for $70. 

I can’t donate to all causes, I can’t spend all my time volunteering for all the charities but I can make a small difference in the lives of a few people.  I intend to make this a priority next year.  I intend to do better from here on out.  I do give when and what I can and I feel good about it but I know I can do better. Can you do better? 

This display of love and compassion from the community makes my heart smile.  I felt so good today hearing that these  families were able to have the Christmas that we all go crazy trying to have.  That is the best!

My first known charity that I am helping this year, March of Dimes.  I will be walking again this year on the Team Kaydence family team.  If you know of a charity that is close to your heart, let me know.  I’d love to help out if I can!

I started shopping back in September, buying a few gifts each week.  I was buying mostly for the kids so that I would know that they were covered.  They are more than covered.  I have gone overboard!  I would not be exaggerating when I say that each kid probably has close to 20 gifts each to open.  That is both crazy and embarassing.  I enjoy giving my kids what they want when I can but I did buy more than usual.  I think that when you start early, you tend to buy more.  I have to say though, I did buy some great deals and did not spend a ton more than normal.  A lot of the things that I bought, I bought at half price.  I am a good bargain shopper so most things were bought from the clearance areas, or bought on Black Friday.

Today, I am planning on doing some holiday baking, something I really enjoy but haven’t done for the past two years.  I am trying to get back to where I was a few years ago.  I have missed doing all the domestic things I was doing.  Since I started working, I have been so tired and have really skipped out on a lot of the things I used to do.  I am still finding it hard to balance everything. 

Although, along with working full time, I am bringing in money and that money has allowed me to provide the kids with a great Christmas.  I tried to get them the things they wanted.  I am proud of earning that money and turning it into a special family event that we are all going to love.  I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they open their gifts and see them all on Christmas morning. 

In past years, I have gotten it all done but with major stress and physical illness due to the anxiety.  This year, I have not had any anxiety due to the holidays and haven’t been stressed out.  I am really having a great time anticipating the fun and excitement.  I still have a few gifts to buy, mostly gift cards but I will get them this week and I am not worried about it.  It will get done.

We are going to my sister-in-law’s house for Chuck’s family celebration on Christmas Eve.  We usually go next door to my in-law’s house but since my MIL  is still not feeling good, it would be too stressful on her and she can’t do that.  We have the kids gift exchange and everyone is set for that.  Then on Christmas morning, my family will be coming over for my side’s celebration.  My in-law’s always come over for that too and my brother-in-law and his family will be over too because we bought for their daughter since Chuck is her Godfather. 

We do a late morning breakfast with my family and exchange gifts.  It is nice to do that and be done with all the Christmas festivities by noon and enjoy Christmas day playing with all of our new toys!

I do buy the kids matching pajamas for Christmas, they get to open them on Christmas Eve when we get home from the family gathering.   Chuck says that the older two will not enjoy this much longer and I will have to stop buying the matching pj’s.  I will continue with this tradition but maybe he is right, maybe next year I will just buy Christmas themed pajamas, but not necessarily matching ones.  I also bought Chuck and I pajamas, not matching but something to wear on Christmas day.  He swears that he is not going to wear them but I will convince him to!

This holiday season is going to be special.  I am going to thoroughly enjoy spending this time with Chuck and the kids.  I still miss being home all the time, even after working full time for five months.  I am still having a hard time going to work knowing that Chuck is home this winter without me. It has been a big adjustment for all of us but without my job, I would be stressed and worried about getting it all done this year.   I am thankful that I have a job that I like and that has helped my family out. 

Happy holidays to you and yours, may the spirit of Christmas (or any other holiday that you celebrate) envelope you this year.  Enjoy this time with your families and relax.

Jada is a beautiful girl.  Inside and out.  I look at her and I see my baby girl and a young lady.  She has so many fabulous qualities about her that make her just a great kid. 

She has really come out of her shell in the last year and she is a happy and fun girl.  She loves to sing, dance, ride her scooter and play her DS.  She enjoys writing and drawing, fashion and all the hip kid TV shows. 

Jada exudes beauty with her curly hair and perfect eyebrows (yes, she has perfect eyebrows, I don’t know if she will ever have to tweeze or wax them…what a brat!) She has a smile that lights up any room and a caring demeanor that makes me proud. 

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you are from, girl or boy, white, brown, blue or purple..if you need help with anything she is right there for you.  If someone is looking sad because they have no one to play with, she is there for them.  She is empathetic and will do what she can to cheer someone up.

For her birthday, she does not want what most kids want.  I imagine that most ten year olds are asking for a laptop, digital camera, a pony, a Coach purse or something like that*.  (Yes, ten year olds ask for those types of things around here, that is, if they don’t already have them!) Not Jada. 

Jada is asking for a day with her mom and dad.  A day that includes a trip to the mall and lunch with us.  She never asks for much.  She knows the value of a dollar and she doesn’t want people spending too much on her.  She said that maybe she would like a shirt and a stop at the candy store!  She made me laugh when she asked to go to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory because she and her dad love cheesecake! 

There isn’t anything I would love more than to spend my daughter’s tenth birthday with her at the mall! 

Happy Birthday Jaybird, we love you with all of our hearts.  I am so proud of the girl that you are.  If you see me crying tomorrow, it is because I love you so much and I cannot believe that the baby girl that has made me so happy and has made me proud to be called “mom” is ten already.  Don’t grow up too fast my precious girl!!

*Jada did ask if she can have her own MySpace or Facebook account, to which I very quickly said “no!”  There are kids in our neighborhood and in school that have them.  It is way too early to have these types of things and I don’t care that there are privacy controls, no child of mine will have these until they are well into their teenage years!!