Glimpses of the Former Me
Before I started working full time, I was the queen of multi-tasking and volunteering and being all around involved….in everything.
I was very active in the PTO, Vice President to be exact, I was at the school constantly to volunteer for everything and anything, I was the team mom for Chuckie’s football team, I was running around with the kids doing so many activities and fun things. I was keeping the house in great shape, doing all the normal household chores and still having time for all the other stuff I wanted to do.
Since starting working full time, I have really slacked off on most of those things. I have only been to the school twice this school year to help out, I haven’t gone to any of the school events ( I was literally at every single one in previous years!) I can no longer keep on top of all the housework.
I can no longer devote hours to the kids with undivided attention. I am starting to feel like an inadequate mom. That feeling? It sucks so bad.
Today, I helped the kids to start decorating their valentine boxes for their school parties next week. These are the kinds of things that I would do in a heartbeat before starting work. I had the extra time to do it at the drop of a dime. Now? I’ve had to tell them a few times, not yet, I can’t do it now, wait until the weekend, etc.
I went to the doctor last week for my annual exam and I talked to him about things going on with me. I have been prescribed that little pill that I used to take again. It’s time for me to start back on the depression medication. It’s a low dosage and it will also help me with my anxiety. I have been on and off of this medication a few times but I do agree that I need it. This time of year is always tough and stressful for me, but adding the bad feelings that I am not doing a good enough job of being a wife, mother and friend, and I know that I need it.
There are times when I am at home and doing something with the kids or doing major housework and I say out loud, “this is something I did when I wasn’t working and I miss it!” I am starting to resent working full time. That sounds awful, I know it does.
How in the heck have those of you that have always worked full time with having kids, done it?! How do you balance it all? What the hell do I need to do to make it work better for me?! Any advice out there?
Daisy @ The Deal Fanatic says:
Great post! Thanks for being so candid with your personal struggles. It’s not always easy to do and share with the world.
I have no answer about the balance part of things. I just do it one day at a time. I have a set of 4.5 year old twins and I struggle with that on a day to day basis. Knowing that I “don’t have” to do it all helps a tremendous amount. My hubby “cowboy” is more than understanding if it doesn’t get done.
No expectations ma…You are perfect in your every right!! Hope all is better.